never play flip cup with pint glasses
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
