You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
whose parrot is this?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
