Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
