Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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