I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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