When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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