think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
