it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
3pm strippers are depressing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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