We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
