Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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