Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He better not be in your backpack
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
