Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
