i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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