Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
