Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
