I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
