you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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