When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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