I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He? As in you personified your dick?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
