I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my being single is dangerous.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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