You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
