i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
