i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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