hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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