I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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