There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
