I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
