Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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