her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
zippers are such a cool invention
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
