My hand turned me down
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
