i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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