I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
