Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
