he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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