I want to walk on stilts...naked
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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