She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
