She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
