I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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