One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there is glitter all over my balls
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