I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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