What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
