This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just blew my weed a kiss
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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