my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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