your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
