halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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