I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
