No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
