If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
