This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
