Plan B is the new Plan A
Say something about gay babies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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