We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
