And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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